Narcissistic people feel entitled to act however they want but deny others that same freedom.
People with narcissistic personality disorder or a narcissistic style feel entitled to act however they want. Yet, they often deny others that same freedom.
If you have to deal with narcissists, it is helpful to recognize 10 double standards they hold. People with unhealthy narcissism tend to be:
1. Outwardly charming but hellish at home.
2. Thin-skinned but thick-headed.
People with narcissism may pout when they are not the center of attention or rage at the tiniest slight. But when you have needs or hurt feelings, they may ignore your feelings or criticize you for being “needy” or “too sensitive”.
They may undermine your confidence by second-guessing your decisions.
When it is your turn to shine, they may ignore your success, spoil your big moment with a tantrum, or take credit for your accomplishments.
4. Reputation-conscious but superficial.
Many narcissists go through life without having a close friend.
If you depend on a narcissist to be there when you most need them, you are likely to be disappointed.
5. Grandiose but fragile.
People with narcissism seek winning, praise, superiority, and power. Conversely, they fear the opposites: losing, ridicule, flaws, and weakness. Because of this, they rarely apologize or admit they are wrong.
When someone suggests that they aren’t all they are cracked up to be, their reaction can range from melting into self-pity to volcanic rage.
6. Entitled but depriving.
Narcissists’ love and affection are conditional, offered up when you are in their favor but vanishing for reasons that may be hard to fathom.
7. Combative but defensive.
Some people with narcissism seem defined by opposition. They pick fights, use sarcasm and personal insults, and always seem to have an enemy. Yet, they can become rapidly incensed if anyone dares to question or challenge them.
8. Righteous but brittle.
9. Attention-hungry but stingy in sharing the spotlight.
Attention is a narcissist’s drug of choice. When others are talking, they may either zone out or become impatient until they can steer the conversation back to themselves.
Yet, while narcissists seek to stand out like a 5,000-watt bulb, they begrudge others a chance to shine.
If a loved one is in a good mood and a narcissist is not, the narcissist may delight in ruining the other’s mood, almost as though when anything positive happens to someone else, it is the narcissist’s loss.
10. Emotionally demanding but clueless.
Like a relative whose antagonistic behavior ruins a family holiday then acts blameless or clueless, narcissists seem unaware of the pain they cause others.
If you tend to expect compassion, reciprocity, and fairness from others, dealing with narcissists can be mystifying.
However, when you realize that people with narcissism are endlessly fighting to ward off threats to their shaky self-esteem, their behavior is less puzzling.
Knowing this can allow you to adjust your expectations and not take their actions so personally.