Here’s what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
The fear of being abandoned is almost always, even if only subconsciously, the driving force of our ‘crazy’ behavior in relationships.
To understand why our reactions can be so adverse, our partner needs to understand that because of our illness, we think differently in some ways to others.
Paranoia is a common symptom among people with BPD, and this can blow not replying to a text, because your phone was on silent, into your partner thinking you have been hit by a bus/run away with the circus/are having an affair with your boss, in under 30 minutes.
This is not helpful and certainly not an easy quality to deal with in someone you share your life with, but the key to it working is understanding why the person does the things they do so you can work together to help them.
You wouldn’t ask a person with a freshly broken leg to climb three flights of stairs, and in the same way, you shouldn’t assume a person with BPD would just be able to handle certain aspects of a relationship.
Relationships are our Achilles’ heel and feel like 500 flights of stairs, but we will always embark on them with full force and disregard for our wellbeing because – to answer the person who Googled ‘Can a person with BPD really love?’ – yes, we can and do truly love and care for the person we’re with.
In my somewhat limited but quite eventful 26 years of experience, as a person with BPD, the way to make it work with that person is always communication.
If you communicate clearly and honestly then you get rid of that fear of the unknown, the fear that you’ll disappear, and the fear they have of not being good enough.