How We Got Here His Point of View, From my Perspective
I wrote him many letters, trying to reach him. We could never, ever have a discussion and that, I think, was largely my fault. I didn’t approach him with enough sensitivity (although I tried). I approached him instead with accusation. And that will never fly with a narcissist. So most “discussions” I attempted to have ended up with him bellowing about what a b……… I was, he couldn’t take it any more and he would move out, literally.
I took to writing him letters. I can be much more diplomatic that way, but I still failed to reach him.
I finally, finally realized that he could not be reached and I began to search myself to see if I could accept him the way he was, warts and all. It was a struggle. I knew that I would be dishonoring myself by deciding to live with him but I felt I lacked the energy to break away. I also wasn’t doing him any favors, because I was swiftly losing respect for him. I tried to hide that fact but I know it squeaked out and he sensed it.
I was starting to realize that while I could love him and care about him as a person, I couldn’t really love him. I will always care about him, worry about him but I can’t live a farce anymore.
He tells me that he loves me but I know that he doesn’t really know what love is, he’s incapable of it. And I am sad for him, and myself also. I had such high hopes for us!