How to Get Your Stuff Back After a Narcissist Steals It
And the narcissist’s fluency in the language of lies, especially when it is alternated with rapier-sharp observations about your behavior— “You cry at the drop of a hat. It’s no wonder I have to walk on eggshells,” “If you didn’t constantly interrogate me, I might open up,” “I didn’t lie; you just didn’t ask me the right question”—keeps a spouse, partner, or lover in a constant stage of emotional turmoil which makes it even harder to spot who he really is.
It’s only at the end—in conflict—that the narcissist reveals himself fully and that your appreciation of what’s been stolen becomes clear. It’s with shock and horror that you begin to see him for what he is. For one thing, if you’ve been married or long-connected, he will not stop until he wins and he sees his truth triumph. He cares not a whit for emotional consequences, burned bridges or scorched earth, and doesn’t mind hurting anyone who stands in his way. He is happy to mount and orchestrate smear campaigns because his own version of the story—no matter how fabricated or cobbled together—is the one he’s sticking to.
It’s the emotional looting that it takes time to recover from. This isn’t to minimize or write-off the financial straits many find themselves in after divorcing a narcissist; all of that is real enough. Not to mention those who are stuck co-parenting and are looking forward to possibly years of endless legal chivvying and financial expense. But the hardest part of recovery entails what was stolen from you personally. Following is an inventory and what you must do to retrieve what’s been taken.
LOSS: Your trust in others
The narcissist’s willingness to use every avenue available to hurt you in whatever way he can is enough to throw even the most stable planet off its axis, and it’s no wonder that so many women come out of the experience feeling that the risks involved in trusting someone are simply too great.
This is a huge loss and one that must be dealt with immediately. Otherwise, even in his absence, the narcissist will continue to rob you blind of future opportunities.