What to do when you are bullied by a narcissist
Justice is not your concern
I remember in the early days of the narcissistic storm, we received daily threatening letters. We experienced distress, anxiety and heartache.
And I wanted justice! How could they mistreat us and get away with it?
We went to the police but they said they couldn’t help. Where was the justice? We were good people with good intentions. Why did this happen to us while the perpetrators remained unpunished and untouched?
The feeling of helplessness and injustice almost killed me. But then I realised that I had the choice to be happy. Not once they stopped attacking us, not once justice was served, not once I had my revenge. Now.
The truth is that narcissists are highly unhappy people. Deep down they hate themselves, feel worthless. They are driven by unconscious compulsions and consumed by anger, hatred and fear. Whether they see it or not, they suffer. Every minute of every day.
And the best revenge you can serve is to be happy, to live a fulfilled life. Love, laugh and know your worth. Invest your time and energy in happiness, not resentment and revenge.
Your life will never be perfect. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be happy! Focus on happiness now.
I know what you’re thinking…
How could these people that attack, bully and threaten you even deserve your compassion? The answer is not for their sake but for your own.
Wishing them misfortune, punishment and gout will not change anything about their life or behaviour towards you. But the resentment, anger and hatred will erode your soul, destroy your happiness and damage your health. You can hold on to all these negative feelings or you can let them go. You have a choice.
They are miserable people living miserable lives. They need your compassion. But more importantly, you need it too. You deserve happiness. You ARE worth!
Choose your fights
It is imperative to fight for your rights. You ARE worth and you deserve respect.
The thing is though that narcissists fight as a matter of principle. Losing, being in the wrong and defeat is a testimony of their worthlessness. Their feeling of worth and relevance is a fragile construct of illusion, self-deception and lies. And they will defend it.
If you only still fight to be right, then ask yourself whether your happiness and quality of life are worth more than having the last word. Maybe it’s time to move on.
Not winning an argument doesn’t mean that you weren’t good enough to succeed. It means that you love and respect yourself enough to leave a miserable situation behind without shame and feelings of inferiority. So you can finally be happy again.