What to do when you are bullied by a narcissist
What happens when you decide to leave?
I don’t want to scare you. But if you are dealing with a full-blown narcissist, your life might be difficult for a while after you leave.
This is because the narcissists need to ensure that you do not damage their reputation, finances and way of life. And they do this through attack.
Below are the top 4 realisations that helped me get through the trauma, move forward and live a happy life despite narcissistic rage directed towards me and my family.
What to do if somebody is destroying your reputation and credibility
The typical narcissist strategy of dealing with a person they lost control over is by discrediting them. My husband and I were called thieves, liars, embezzlers and even terrorists. Yes, it hurts. But it is important to remember that people who really know you won’t believe it and people who don’t know you won’t care.
We found that the best way to deal with it was to ignore it. Not reciprocate, not respond, not bother. After all, what other people think of you is none of your business!
Keep boosting your self-worth! Keep reminding yourself that you are a lovable, worthy person who deserves happiness. And what other people say or think about you does not change anything about it!
Dealing with the fear
When the narcissistic storm started to rage, my worst problem was the fear. I spent whole days hiding under my desk. Literally!
And fear is an understandable reaction! Your life is under attack, your livelihood threatened. It’s a horror scene from a soap opera you never wanted to be a part of.
But there are ways to cope with the fear. Here are my favourite exercises:
- Affirmations: Repeat “I AM worth” and “I am safe. All is well in my world.” As often as you need them. You might not believe it straight away but repetition is the key.
- Grounding: Existential worries (about finances, housing and livelihood) cause energy blockages in your body. These blockages create fear and panic attacks. You can counteract this by daily grounding exercises. Stand with your feet hip-width apart. Visualise strong roots like those of a tree growing from the soles of your feet into the ground, deeper and deeper. They are anchoring you, stabilising you, giving you a solid foundation to build your new life on. They also absorb the Earth’s energy which is positive, healing and revitalising. Feel the energy filling your body. Feel the roots giving you security. Stay in the position as long as it is comfortable but a few minutes once a day are usually enough.
- BURST THE BUBBLE technique: This is a very powerful exercise. Emotions are energy in motion. They are supposed to arise, flow through us and leave again. When we hold on to them, the emotional energy coils up into a spherical shape. These energy bubbles block your energy system causing fear and panic attacks. However, you can actively delete them. So, when fear, anxiety or anger take over, focus on the emotion. Feel it. Describe it. Is it warm or cold? Is it prickly or fluffy? What colour is it? Where is it in your body? Locate it. Is it in your heart, your stomach, your head? Once you know where it is, visualise it as a bubble or balloon and pop it with your finger or an imaginary needle. This will release the circular energy that causes the blockage and bring relief.