What to do when you are bullied by a narcissist
So, narcissists surround themselves with people who want to please. They feel important and worthy when others agree, serve and provide for them. But they only care for themselves.
This is hard to accept if it’s your spouse, friend or parent. You love them. And you hope that your love is reciprocated. But the devastating truth is that narcissists don’t strive for love.
Don’t get me wrong! They care for you. Enjoy your company. Flatter you. In their own special way maybe even do love you. But only as long as you give them what they crave: undivided attention, unwavering admiration and submission without ever questioning them.
As long as you can provide narcissists with this fix, they will humour you. Psychologists call this “Narcissistic supply”.
But what happens once you decide to leave the one-sided relationship and emotional abuse? What happens when you end the relationship, file for divorce or remove yourself from their company?
2. The narcissist needs constant supply
Narcissists siphon their fleeting sense of worth off other people. Either by being admired or by making others feel inferior to them. The latter makes them top-notch bullies.
Let’s face it! Even if you love somebody blindly, you can only endure this treatment for a limited period of time. Sooner or later, your dedication will crumble, your enthusiasm will fade and the relationship will drain you. You can’t give the narcissists everything they need any longer.
If you don’t abandon the relationship at that point, the narcissists will look for alternative supply. Their behaviour towards you will change. Interactions will grow colder, you may be ignored or punished and affairs may start. Bullying, humiliation and abuse will increase. Because, as much as it hurts, you are no longer of use.
The narcissists might tolerate you for as long as you aren’t a threat. But this is what you become once you start to challenge them, hold them responsible for their actions, point out their mistakes or end the relationship. At that point, you are likely to experience what is called “narcissistic rage”.
3.The narcissist can never forgive or forget
Narcissistic rage occurs when you dare to withdraw the admiration and approval narcissists require to feel good about themselves. You are basically stealing their self-worth.
Furthermore, the loss of control over you causes fear and distress. You could defame them, ruin their reputation and dispute their importance. You could publicly expose their worthless and ugly self. A true narcissist won’t tolerate this threat, insult and insubordination.
The result is anger. Depending on the degree of narcissism, this anger can be extremely aggressive and totally over the top.
They will do everything to protect their reputation, material possessions and way of life. They will make your life difficult.
And as long as you remain in their reach, you are reminding them of the fact that they are worthless. Despite all the lengths they went through to gain admiration and build a reputation, there is this one person who knows their worthlessness and true motives. This person becomes a scape goat that the narcissist blames all his misfortune on.
But where does this leave you?