For me, having Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (also known as Borderline Personality Disorder) means I care deeply about what others think of me. At every opportunity I believe that people are ridiculing me, that they can’t be bothered with me and that I’m a burden to them. Like many people suffering with a mental health problem I’m brilliant at hiding how I’m really feeling; I don’t often jump at the chance to discuss my problems because I worry they’ll be interpreted as a sign of weakness or incompetence but it’s time to change!
After graduating from university I found a job within three months and couldn’t believe my luck! I wanted to lead a normal life, have a job, rent a flat and save enough money to travel. I hadn’t planned on telling my employer about my mental health problems; however, I was devastated when, on the first day, I had a panic attack. I explained to my supervisor that I suffered with anxiety and depression but didn’t go into any detail. He was understanding and assured me that everything would be fine; unfortunately, as the weeks progressed, I became increasingly paranoid.
The office environment was stressful for me
The office environment was stressful for me; people were constantly talking negatively about one another, I didn’t feel as though my job was secure, I found it difficult to distinguish what was appropriate conversation and what wasn’t. People would keep asking me why I wouldn’t eat at work during the day, not realising that I have an eating disorder. I hated walking through the office because I couldn’t stand the idea of people staring at me. This made simple tasks extremely difficult, such as using the scanner, photocopier or talking to colleagues when I needed their help.