Why I’m Not Disguising My Anxiety Anymore
I’ve always been an introvert. I sit in the shadows while others dance around me in the light. I’m the moon who has to wait until night comes in order to shine. My whole life I’ve been fearful, lacking confidence and brittle at the best of times.
This was before I was diagnosed with anxiety.
My anxiety took who I was and twisted it into something that issued cruel, binding, unpredictable, emotional and physical punishments. Yet somehow, I subconsciously inflicted my own pain.
I was comfortable as I sat in the classroom, silently, without a trace. Until I could no longer bear sitting there any longer than a dozen breaths in and a dozen breaths out. I’d be trying to breathe, but I felt suffocated from somehow forgetting to breathe. My body was my enemy. My brain was my enemy. The panic attacks came slowly, then all at once.